The Next Trek Film Will Hopefully NOT Be Star Trek 90210


Written on 4:35 PM by Jack B.

News out of Hollywood is that with the failure of the series, Enterprise, and the lackluster box-office of the last Star Trek movie starring the Next Generation cast, that J.J. Abrams, of Lost fame, has been picked to helm Star Trek XI will be a whole new start to the franchise. The good news at least is that early reports that the film would be about a young Kirk and Spock in the Starfleet Academy have been denied by Abrams although he wouldn't rule it out entirely (that's the bad news). Let's just hope it doesn't go that way.

I can just picture it all now:

Kirk: Can you believe that? Uhura decided to go with Scotty to the Academy Dance.

Bones: Dammit, Jim. I’m a medical student, not a wingman.

Spock: Humans are illogical, Ensign.

Uhura: What can I say? Scotty knows how to beam a girl up...if you catch my meaning.

Scotty: It’s all in the Dilithium crystals. The girls canna resist it.

Chekov: You know we Russians invented dances.

Sulu: I heard Harry Mudd has some girls available. Tribbles too, if you’re into that.

Chapel: Why is everyone looking at me like that? That tribble thing was just a little experimentation. All academy girls do it. It doesn't mean I'm not straight...although I admit, I do find Vulcan ears very erotic. (Spock leaves the room, muttering something about catching the next flight back to Vulcan.)

Rand: Speak for yourself, Nursie...I’d love to go to the dance with you, Jim; maybe you’ll finally notice me.

Kirk: Who are you again? (Rand runs away crying)

Nameless Red Shirt: I’ve got a flying mission tomorrow, right before the dance. There’s only a .o1% chance of failure and death. I’m sure I'll be back in time for the dance, right? Right? Hey, where’s everybody going?

Lieutenant Christopher Pike: *Sigh* Kids these days.

Look, I know that because JJ Abrams is behind Lost and Alias that a lot of people have hope for a glorious new start for Star Trek. I’m not so sure. The Berman/Braga era of Trek is over but going back in time to a young Kirk and Spock reeks of something concocted in a Viacom Corporate office by suits who had never even seen most of the variations of the franchise. There are a lot of ways you could go with Starfleet, the Federation, the unexplored sectors of Space and instead of using their imagination, Paramount decides to go back to characters from the original series (which is almost 40 years old now). This could turn out to be a disaster of monumental proportions - can anyone imagine a young actor whose Kirk will not be a parody of William Shatter’s over-the-top carefully enunciated acting? Oh, boy. But then what can you expect from a Hollywood that has given us movie remakes of Starsky and Hutch, The Dukes of Hazzard and (now in-production) Dallas?

If you enjoyed this post Subscribe to our feed

No Comment

Post a Comment