TomKat Spawn is Upon Us! The Apocalypse Must Be Next!

Written on 7:06 PM by Jack B.

Tom Cruise (Mapother IV) and his "fiancee" Katie Holmes are expecting a BABY! Jeez, God, no! Can't they stay away from the headlines for just a few weeks? And it wasn't the gossip pages that exposed it either, the duo announced it themselves for no particular reason.

"Tom and Katie are very excited, and the entire family is very excited," Cruise spokeswoman Lee Anne DeVette told People (magazine) exclusively.

Lee Ann DeVette, for those who don't know, just happens to be Tom Cruise's sister (and fellow Scientologist) as well as his publicist. And of course the fact that this news coincides with the first public appearance of Tom and Katie together in weeks just a couple of days ago, hanging with his daughter with Nicole Kidman in in pictures obviously staged for the cameras. But it's got to be just a coincidence, right? Right? Hello, anybody out there?

With Nicholas Cage naming his son, Kal-El, after Superman I suppose it wouldn't be a stretch that this poor Baby Mapother will be named Xenu, whether its a boy or girl. Damien is a cool name too.

All I know is I hope Katie is gonna get a huge payday when this is all over - you know this poor kid is going to be raised a Xenu worshipper and psychiatry denier whether Katie likes it or not. I wonder what her Catholic parents feel about that? But then, Tom-tom and his entire family used to be Catholic too before becoming disciples of L. Ron Hubbard.