Written on 5:38 PM by Jack B.
So that was the year that was - went quickly didn’t it? I remember when I was a little kid I couldn’t wait for the year to be older so it would mean I would be a little more older and adult. Now of course that I actually am older and an adult I wish I could hold the changing of the year back so I could hold onto my youth. But you can’t always get what you want, I guess.
So 2005 is over. It’s been a pretty good year (for me), all things considering. The biggest news in my personal life is that one of my little sisters got both married and pregnant this year. So I have new relatives in the form of my sis’ in-laws and find myself actually anticipating the arrival of my first nephew or niece in the new year. On the other hand, the arrival of a new generation just makes me feel all the more mortal and old. *sigh*
For me personally it has been a year of both change and standing in place. This is the my first year has a recovering Depressive. Each day I’ve had to take at least 2 different anti-depressants (that’s over 700 pills this year alone) and I sometimes wonder what would happen if I just stopped taking them. Would I relapse or something? I’ve been going to therapy on a constant basis and have learned many things about the basis of the phobias and fears that face me now - this in turn has made me a little (just a little) braver and more confident that I had been in 2004. I even started this blog back at the end of March as a form of therapy and excuse to write - now I’ve become addicted to it even when I don’t blog as much as I’d like. I’ve also come across a lot of like-minded bloggers from around the world and all walks of life who I read constantly. That too has been a form of therapy. I guess I’m not alone out there. This became very obvious when the Terri Shiavo situation happened and I thought I was the only one horrified by what was going on - but thanks to St. Blog’s and all its “parishioners” I saw that was not the case. It’s funny - a year ago this time when I first decided to seek help for the Depression (that I now realize has been holding me back for years and years), I thought my life was worthless and wasted and there was no point in going on. I never wanted to kill myself - but I understand fully how some may come to that. The “down” feeling just overwhelms a person. That’s how I felt - then. Now, at the end of 2005 I have some optimism for the first time in a long time. I’m still not quite sure what’s ahead for me or what I’m going to do with my life but I’ve decided to take it one day at a time. That’s why for the first time in over a decade I have NO New Year’s resolutions ~ I can’t allow myself to think that far ahead. Yet I can see the progress, the subtle changes I’ve made in myself over the year which allows me to think I can make even more if I try.
I have met many new people, both in person and over the internet (Hello All :)) who I have come to like and appreciate very much. I have completed my first year of Graduate School - only 2 more years to go before I’ll actually have to decide what I want to do when I grow up. I’ve gotten a steady job (however temporary it may come to be) and money in my pocket. My cousins moved to North Carolina (for the job market) and my sister got married - so my family both grew apart and expanded but so far we’re all still here and kicking (knock on wood) so I think that alone has made 2005 a good year.
In the larger world, Iraq had 3 elections and a lot more deaths. I hope peace comes to that wonderful country in the new year and our troops start to come home. Mother Nature had a hissy fit and showed everybody she’s still boss of us by practically destroying entire parts of both Southeast Asia and the Southeast U.S.A., even to the point of destroying one of the greatest cities in the world - New Orleans. Let’s just say that’s one Mother we don’t need to upset in the coming year. One of the giants of the 20th Century - Pope John Paul II - died and millions came out to see him, astonishing secular Europe who had thought they had killed that nasty Christianity thing forever. Then to their further astonishment, one of the greatest theologians in the history of the Church - Joseph Ratzinger - was elected Bishop of Rome and disproved all the critics who had ever called him the “Grand Inquisitor” wrong by just being himself and not the caricature they made him out to be. The Transit Workers and the MTA almost became the Grinches who stole New York’s Christmas, France burned and the State of Florida co-operated in the murder of Terri Shiavo. Hardly happy things, but one thing I’ve come to understand is hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that people will get kinder. Hope that despite our homicidal tendencies we homo sapiens will stop killing each other and become tillers of the Earth, instead of destroyers of it.
Welcome 2006, stick around and stay awhile, may you keep things interesting and bring luck and happiness to us all.
Happy New Year Everyone! May the incoming year not only be as good as you might wish but even better...